Slut, Slag, Frigid, Loose, Tease, Bitch, Feminazi,Loud.

Growing up, I have constantly been told to cherish my body, treat it like a sacred temple. For my mum this translates into “eating healthy”. Ha. As if Im going to start eating avocado and kale on a daily basis. how stressful.

But it also translates into something else. The idea that I have to conform to society’s idea of a “good girl”. The idea that I as a female am meant to be “non slutty” and “chaste”  because of course if not that equals trash right?

Wrong, Im sick of hearing things like “you don’t want to get a label for yourself” or “don’t sleep around” because of what society and my future husband will apparently think of me. The fact is, it is my body, and how dare you even attempt to try and tell me what I can do with the very vessel I carry around every day.

How dare you try and make me feel bad for expressing myself and choosing a path that you have not chosen. It is ridiculous that I should have to constantly question whether or not what I’m doing in the eyes of others is right or wrong.

Just because I am female it does not give you a right to dictate a certain way I should be behaving. Apparently women are considered sluts for sleeping around, disgusting for not shaving, and a bitch for having an opinion.  But then when a guy behaves in the same manner, he is praised and slapped on the back.

At the same time, looking at women like they are no more than a piece of meat is also disturbingly shit. I am not “frigid” or a “tease” because I don’t want to get off with you. Nor am I “loose” or a “slag” for getting off with you, My body is so much more than you make of it. It carries the scars of my growth. The battle wounds of my past. But most importantly it carries Me. `And you have absolutely no right whatsoever to past judgement on what I do with it.

Some inspiration from a good friend  blog

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Waiting for Universities to answer my mating call

No seriously, sending my UCAS application off has been like asking the hot guy for his number on Facebook and waiting for a reply..which I have obviously never done because Im literally the biggest coward.

Im ready to be in a committed relationship with one of these establishments. Please stop playing hard to get with me guys. I promise I will work hard and be a good addition to your open partnership, Warwick is that you pal?

Checking my emails every five minutes has become my new hobby, does anyone else in this situation feel like adding “expert email checker” to their list of accomplishments. I would be a millionaire if I got a pound for every time I entered my gmail account and found nothing but Groupon deals and clothes from BooHoo.com from that one time I ordered something I could not afford.

I feel like I’ve become a bit of a stalker really. Ive already attempted to join  every fresher group for the universities I’ve applied for. As if that will somehow give me extra leverage. Like ” I will be partying with you for a whole two weeks so please  notice my dedication”.

Just please please please let me get what I want this time in the words of slow moving millie.

I want us both to be open to new experiences, so please universities, open your arms for me.

Stop looking for love and let it find you.

Deep in thought and I came to the realisation that no matter how much effort you put into trying to connect with a significant other and find “love” , it will never really take off because you are trying too hard, and thats not the way that life works.

Ive learnt this lesson after a series of misfortunate dates and mistakes over the short time I have been on this earth. Its hard when you are feeling lonely to not feel comfortable  and just be alone with yourself.

Being with someone is like a massive safety net, as long as its a decent net, you will expect to feel secure and sound. At the end of the day its something that we all look for, feeling safe. And we end up mistaking the illusion of a safety net for something real when in actual fact its just another long rabbit hole of a situation when we look too hard.

I think that some of us may use our bodies and not our brains to feel close to someone when desperately searching for that person that will make us feel happy, and this is the most tragic mistake of it all.

We should be able to lead with our minds not our bodies and realise that Love is not something to actively go out looking for, sure you should definitely keep an eye out but don’t let that process consume you entirely, you may mistake the fake opportunities for the real ones.

 

Life ? No Id rather spend all day in bed thanks

I visited a psychic a year ago, mainly out of sheer desperation to know the ins and out of my future, and also for the incredibly selfish reason as to whether I would be successful and rich..or not.

However gypsy rose on clacton pier gave me neither of those answers  and instead proceeded to tell me  ( whilst holding on to my sweaty palm) about the many short relationships I would encounter, Someone close to me being in hospital, and the fact that Im going to have two children in the distant future..which is pretty much standard for adults anyhow.

The point is..is that none of us really have any clue as to how the future is going to turn out, and we spend so much time dwelling on what could have happened/what is going to happen, that we actually miss the crazy stuff happening in the present.

It seems to be so easy to focus on the past or the future, that sometimes it becomes difficult to enjoy the now and appreciate The gift that is called the present ( yes I did just steal that from kung fu panda, no I have no shame) It can be tricky to enjoy that amazing slice of cake in the now..when most likely in a few short minutes,  whats on your mind is, that cake is most certainly going to be demolished.

But  in the midst of eating that cake, try to savour every bite and appreciate being able to taste it …a bit like life..try and savour every bit of the good stuff going on whilst your brain is busy cramming in all of the future and past crap, so you can enjoy being in the present a little more.

The art of drunk dialling your Ex…

Dont do it. Just Don’t do it.

They are an ex for a reason, confessing your love to them at 1 am although extremely satisfying in the moment does not make for great reflection the morning after.

There have been times* respectively  where I have been tackled to the ground by an extremely awesome friend to prevent me from doing something I will seriously regret when the shit hits the fan in the morning

But somehow the will is so much stronger than the love of a good pal and next thing you know I am punching that number in on my cracked phone screen with all of the vigour I can possibly muster through my already blurred vision, just waiting to hear the voice of someone who will eventually think Im a batshit crazy stalker.

And as much as we tell ourselves that we will never do it again…we do, why?

because we are simple creatures that never seem to want to learn from our self inflicted mistakes and the wound never really closes does it ?

we never get the chance to have the “last word” or say the “proper goodbye”.

Its as though if we can be in their lives a bit longer, our dignity can be restored bit by bit.

And this is sadly not the case because in the end you literally turn into that person with hundreds of cats, eating her toenails, and laughing manically to herself. Have some self respect. please.

stop being so awkward and give me my shit back ……sorry for the curse word

Ive decided to write about a something that has seemed to occur quite a few times in life and the lives of those around me .  It has occurred when some “hanky panky” happens with one lucky lad….and maybe after that they feel a bit awkward, or they regret it happening  and just decide to make the completely mature decision to  block you out of their life infinitely.

The only issue is, they decide to make this wholehearted and frustrating decision AFTER you realise you left something of yours at their house or in their possession .

This can be an earring, some water-bottles, your favourite bra, an awesome sweatshirt, even an old tissue.

Frankly though It doesn’t really matter what it is actually, the fact remains that it is legally yours and therefore you are in the absolute right to  hound them into giving it back to you.

I don’t care that youve made the stupid and cowardly decision to never speak to me again, Im actually just very passionate about that old pair of much loved socks that are suffering in your  presence.

I may feel hurt that your childlike nature has prevented you from acting like a mature and sensible adult that can have a decent adult conversation about things in a Mature manner.

But please just give me my pack of tissues back. Behave like a little boy all you like but I know that I left my Earrings on top of your bedside table, and I’m sure as hell coming to retrieve them from your pathetic life.

So just know that when you are receiving lots of annoying text messages from your old “conquest” please don’t be so big-headed to think for one second that we are missing you- we are actually missing the shit that you’ve illegally kept.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

Situationships…from an anonymous source

“hit it and quit it” and “ejaculate and evacuate” have become pretty common phrases around college recently…let that sink in for a bit. As the black eyed peas would say though Where is the love? seriously. Where has it been obliterated to? what has happened to the old fashioned wooing and writing long letters to your beloved. Oh thats right, it is dead, along with chivalry and S Club 7. Which I think is extremely tragic.. its actually devastating really. Its predecessor is “the situationship” The type of relationship you get when you mix Netflix and Chill and decent conversation. Romeo and Juliet have officially been exiled and replaced by Stacey and Keith ( those are still brilliant names by the way) It is the type of companionship to whip out your bubblegum flavoured condoms too really, and to be honest with you, there is nothing that wrong with it apart from the fact that we have left out the brilliant hopeless romantics that have to adjust to this new type of human connection. This goes out to all of the girls and guys that want meaningful relationships that doesn’t coincide with occasional hook ups and the dodging of feelings. We are human beings so naturally I think sometimes we are fearful of connecting with someone on a deeper level than casual stress free links, But you know what? Its ok to have feelings.. whether you are a dude or a girl.. Its Okay to show that you have layers of yourself like an onion..

( Im ashamed to admit this blog post was definitely inspired by one of those cliched relationship memes on instagram)

(Im also not sorry for my terrible grammar)